creepers

I am excited to live with someone again...more specifically to live with a boy. Living by myself has been ok, but it gets really lonely and I get freaked out easily...especially since I know Kim and Andrew no longer live across the hall. I never felt unsafe living with Kim, Meggan, and Chelle, but I do now because this world is full of creepers, and unfortunately, they all seem to congregate around the places I frequent...

1. Yesterday I was leaving Staples and heard someone whistle in the parking lot. When I looked up, a middle-aged man was taking my picture with his camera phone. When I looked at him, he rushed over to his car and drove off. Creepy.

Then there's my creeper neighbors...

2. The first time I met my neighbor to the right, I was leaving for work and he pops out of his apartment, asks my name and then asks, "So are you single or what?" To which I replied that I was practically engaged. And he left.

Then a couple weeks ago, I hear someone knocking on my door at 1am and am totally freaked out. So I peer through the peephole and it's my neighbor to the right. He talks to me for a while, asking if I like to party, to which I reply that I don't. Then he sees my ring, asks if I'm engaged, and when I say yes, he left quickly.

3. Now for creepy neighbor #2. He lives to the left of me. The first time I met him, I was walking to the gym and he introduced himself and asked me to come to the bar he owns sometime. Seemed normal enough. I've seen him a couple times and he's always been very friendly to me.

Then last night I saw him at the gas station at midnight as I was buying milk after work. He was very drunk and very insistent that if I heard loud music from his place that I should come over and party with him. He kept trying to get me to walk home with him. Luckily I was driving. So I drove home as quickly as possible, but he was there practically at the same time as me. He remembered my name wrong and I could hear him yelling "Hi Kristen!" as he approached the apartment. I rushed inside and ran to my apartment, locking myself in.

Then I immediately started packing boxes. I'm getting out of here ASAP! At 4am, I had to mail a letter and figured it would be safe to venture out of my apartment. I find a note on my door with his name and phone number and a request that I text him if he's too loud. Don't think so!

4. And I don't know which is more disconcerting: that people follow me around being creepers, or that my fiance always laughs, tells me to take all of this as a compliment, and cannot fathom why it would freak me out.

return to me

Last night I went to a youth Mass. Granted, I had no idea that's what it would be until I was there, but I'm glad that I accidentally stumbled upon it. It's always nice seeing "young people" participating and taking leading roles in music, reading, etc. (Saying that made me feel a little bit old.) I'm just glad we didn't have to do hand motions...never liked that, even when I was "young."

During communion, we sang "Sweet Redeemer" by Steve Angrisano and Sarah Hart. The refrain...

Sweet Redeemer, I surrender
All I am to You.

As I struggled to pay attention during Mass, that song jumped out at me and made me reflect on the past. It reminded me of the good old days when I was totally head over heels in love with Jesus. ...And of course I got a little sad.

Back in the day, Jesus was all I could think about. I was freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully in love with Him. I have many memories of high school marching band and calculus where I'd pray the rosary rather than pay attention to what I was supposed to be learning. I would go to daily Mass and daily Adoration, weekly confession, and Jesus was all that my mind cared to ponder.

I loved Him. I wanted to marry Him. I thought I would...

But it was so easy back then. It felt good and I had so much consolation in prayer. My life was so free and I had no responsibilities beyond caring for my soul and nurturing my relationship with God.

After NET, things got harder. I began school, working, dating. Life was more complicated and there was so much more to think about besides Jesus. I had no consolation in prayer and struggled with complacency of heart. But I still try to be faithful, and honestly I kind of suck at it.

But I try...hopefully that's worth something. I was told once that faithfulness in dryness is worth more than when it's easy. And I pray it's true! I just want to love Jesus and be faithful to Him!

I often think of this song (I think it's by Jim Cowan but I'm not sure) when I get in these moods.
Return to me that first love That I had when I gave my life to You

diving

I have some irrational fears. One of them is that I'll drop my keys into the dumpster when I'm throwing my trash bags into it. Now this has never happened to me. And it actually hasn't even come close to happening. Still, I'm petrified of it.

Today I was daydreaming, trying to fall back to sleep after waking up early, and I imagined that it happened. I couldn't get back into my locked entrance apartment and my phone was inside, otherwise I would have called my dad.

So I had to buzz the only other person I've met in the apartment, my neighbor who tries a little too hard to talk to me. (One of the first things he ever asked me was if I was single.) But together we climbed into that dumpster and retrieved my keys. Then I baked him cookies and made a thank you card.

Crazy irrational fears! At least now I have a backup plan!